So much happens in life that leaves an impression on our hearts, I often wonder if we ever really leave our pasts behind.. or if the term "past" is just something that we use to keep us from dwelling on things we can't change?
Have you ever loved someone so deeply that no matter where you were in your life you felt you could love them again? A romantic notion, some may say, but the heart doesn't ackowledge time and space. The heart isn't realistic, and as the most powerful part of ourselves it can consume us with emotion and dissolve the boundaries of time and render us shaken and wide-eyed at the power of emotions.
I am always amazed at how much control\effect emotions have on human beings. Pain, fear, love, passions... these deeply felt emotions can embed us in patterns of behavior that remain unknown to us until the day when we can no longer afford to succumb to them.
Looking at the patterns in people, studying how to help them see the next step on their path... it has humbled me to the point where I know not how to proceed at times. What I DO know is that there is a reason we honor the moon: emotions. Emotions are the root of our choices, they are the teacher of our values, and the food that keeps the heart alive. In honoring the moon Goddesses and Gods we are honoring the part of ourselves that cannot be tamed. It can be translated into more civilized behaviors, but never really tamed. Emotions represent illusions to the logical mind, but are the real world to the heart and soul. How does one navigate between the two and then teach others to do so effectively?
I'm still learning the answer to that question. If anyone cares to enlighten me with their thoughts, I'm happy to learn from them as well. Being an HPs means accepting that one is always a student, always learning, and always humbled by the eternity of the human heart.
Nurturing, healing... the sabian symbol for today's Dark Moon is a woman nursing a child that is a master-teacher. It means that we all should nurture the things in our life that will bring the greatest learning, growth, and joy.
I spent time thinking about where to record this post, because it's been riding around in my head for the past four days. I've got a myspace page, a covenspace page, I belong to several mail lists.. and in the end I chose to post it here on covenspace because it seemed the most sacred place to record something that is so close to my heart: home.
This Dark Moon in Cancer has brought alot to my life in terms of healing and knowledge. It has taught me that standing up for what I feel and not diminishing it is tough, but in the end I am free to find ways to be happy rather than merely satisifed. It has taught me that the gold in life is family, even though as a Sagittarius having connections often feels like being tied to the ground by liliputians. My spirit may crave freedom, but alas with my moon in Gemini, my heart craves connections. The deepest connections are in my family. Not surprisingly, they are also the most painful. Most Sagittarians go thorugh life feeling that at any moment they should be able to break free and run in order to reconnect with their true selves. Freedom is the foundation of all of our joy. Yet, it's oddly lonely when I feel hurt, damaged, broken, or anything other than whole.
In my natal chart I have a stellium in Virgo in my 4th house. With Saturn in Virgo and Mars just now moving into Virgo, there is a "paartaay in my HOUSE!!". *laughter* There is a great deal of energy sitting on or near my IC (Immum Coeli) right now. And it's bringing the need to be nurtured and loved to the surface in a very large and very real way. Thus I'm grateful for the Stellium in Cancer, for it gives me and those around me the comfort of the Great Mother's love to help us accept our needs and move with them instead of against them. Which brings me to my tenderest parts:
I crave a world that doesn't really exist anywhere but in my own heart. It's perfect, it's clean beyond clean and everything in it makes me feel alive. The towels are all white and fluffy, the sheets are white and clean.. the plates and flatware all match and are gleaming in their
symmetry. The fruit is all fresh, everything smells like freshly blooming flowers. Every holiday is celebrated with charm, with matching decorative tableware and fresh decorations (pines, flowers, vines, and dried things).. the music is jazzy and light, and the food is impeccable.
Everywhere you look there is something creative to do: painting, cooking, carving, drawing.. *sigh*. There are huge potted plants outside, with cushioned rattan chairs and lounges in the shade that almost beckon you to come and relax in the breeze.. to think your deepest thoughts uninterrupted by life's mundane demands. Water flows clean into a pond nearby where ducks swim and beautiful fish swirl under the surface. It feels like summer used to when I was a kid, only it's grown up. It's grown up because it's defined by creative productivity, but not by time. There is no "right time" to do something because everything happens at the exact moment it's meant to. Love blooms in this sacred place in my heart, because it moves unfettered by clutter, unhindered by ugliness, and untethered by fear. There is nothing to fear here, because this place is about the natural order of life.
With all of those planets in Cancer, it's hard NOT to relax into the gentle rocking of the Mother's universal womb and dream of the perfect world. My heart longs for this place, it is a reflection of all the things in life that I hold sacred: love, health, family, relaxation, creativity. One might expect (as I did for years) that a Sagittarius would hold freedom to be the most sacred thing, but I've learned that freedom is in your spirit.. not in being disconnected from everything around you. Freedom comes from deeply loving with an open heart, and learning to be courageous enough to face whatever comes down the road with the faith that you will be better for every lesson, you will get up from every fall, and in the end the tender arms that cradle you will be the greatest wealth you'll ever know.
Ok. Sorry guys, but everywoman knows this: Men get together and they tribe out like pack animals. I spent the evening with a bunch of bikers. Now.. some would say "Huzzah!" but those of you who have grown up in the biker culture know that it's not always a party. And even when it is, it 's not always the party you want.
Since becoming a full fledged Wiccan, I've learned alot about the peripheral cultures that feed Wiccanism and paganism. The biker culture is one of those, and it's full of beautiful souls who are sincere and really down to earth *blessings to those people*. But then there are the OTHERS. *heh*
Women of the pagan world know what I'm talking about, and if there are Priests of the Gods out there then they know it as well. The biker culture that reduces women to meat, the ones who think and act like the ancient Vikings did AFTER a battle. Dude, they were celebrating surviving DEATH! They had every right to want to eat, drink, and celebrate with women..they were still ALIVE! *laugh*
Bikers now? What are they battling? What noble cause have they taken upon themselves to uphold and lay down their lives for? Beer? Boobs? Gimme a break.
When I say I grew up in the biker culture, that's what I mean. I was born in 1966. My parents were hippies, and the people who "looked after me" were bikers. I saw pot, nudity, all kinds of drugs and open sex at a young age. But still, these men didn't treat women like trash. At leat the men in our biker's groups didn't. Yeah, the women were a little trashy, but they had good hearts and thier men loved them.
But now? What the hell happened? Can someone tell me please? Did I miss a crucial part of biker culture where women became show pieces? I thought we left that kind of filthy crap to the corporate monkeys with trophy wives.
Meh.. Paganism, Wicca.. Biker culture, Hippie culture. It's all a big mish mosh like a tie dyed t-shirt. I can't tell where the pure essence of all of that goodness lies, and thus I am struggling with how to keep the good, loving attitude... and discard the trashy, base portions of it that wind up wearing my heart out.
And.. if there are any bikers out here in pagan land, you ARE my people... so can you either root out these morons who don't respect women? Or teach me how to view their lewd -ass behavior? Because it looks like straight trashy crap to me.
s in life that I hold sacred: love, health, family, relaxation, creativity. One might expect (as I did for years) that a Sagittarius would hold freedom to be the most sacred thing, but I've learned that freedom is in your spirit.. not in being disconnected from everything around you. Freedom comes from deeply loving with an open heart, and learning to be courageous enough to face whatever comes down the road with the faith that you will be better for every lesson, you will get up from every fall, and in the end the tender arms that cradle you will be the greatest wealth you'll ever know.